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Baerana

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Sorry, I haven't gotten around to finishing this yet.  It's just some scattered notes at this point.  Please try back later.  :)

I am bisexual.

I tend to find women more attractive than men, physically, though I tend to have more relationships with men.  I find almost all women physically in one way or another - hair, hands, skin, smile, something.  Women are beautiful, works of art.  I'm actually not that crazy about seeing guys naked.  They are kinda hairy and bumpy in weird ways.

My first crush was on LeVar Burton.  My first "real life" crush was on a girl.  It wasn't sexual - I didn't have sexual feelings at the time.  But I was nervous around her, I wanted to impress her and make her like me. 

My first sexual feelings were pretty much split between guys and girls.

My first sexual experience with a woman happened about a year after my first sexual experience with a guy.  She was older (it's funny, she seemed so mature, wise, and experienced at the time.  I'm now the age she was then, but I sure as hell don't feel mature, wise or experienced.)  :) 

I had trouble calling myself bisexual for a while.  Not because I was ashamed or scared.  I don't know what it was.  I've always been supportive of glbt rights, etc.  But when I said "I'm bisexual" I felt like I was lying.  In my head, I felt like a straight girl who liked to sleep with chicks.

My bisexuality did go through phases.  I've pretty much always been equally attracted to women and men, or more physically attracted to women.  But for awhile, I though I could sleep with women, but not really have a relationship with one.  Then I felt like I could have a relationship, but I'd never fall in love with a woman.  Now I know I'm as happy dating/loving women as I am men.

The things I'm attracted to in a man v. a woman are very different.   I like women who make me feel strong and powerful, needed.  Thus, I tend to like women who are a little clingier, needier.  (not in a bad way)  I cannot date men who aren't roughly as intelligent as I am, but I don't feel that way about women.   I tend to want to be able to lean on the guys I date, while I want the women I date to lean on me.  Humor is more important to me in a man than a woman, but I enjoy it in anyone :)  And sexually, I'm a top with either gender, but with a woman, I feel like I'm always in charge.  I find doing things to women, making them come, etc. more satisfying than them doing things to me.  With men, it's pretty much 50/50, them/me.